Hat's That
by DoctorWhoGal
Summary: When River Song turns up in the TARDIS wearing a hat, The Doctor really doesn't think it's fair as she always kills his hats. So he decides to get her back. Contains a lot of fluff.


Hat's That

This is a Doctor Who one-shot. It involves The Doctor, River Song, hats and it contains a lot of fluff.

I was inspired to write this Doctor Who fanfic by talking to one of my friends on Twitter last night about what would happen if River wore a hat like in the Series 7 trailer and what The Doctor would do about it.

I hope everyone enjoys it :) Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic. They belong to the BBC :(

It was just an ordinary day on the TARDIS. Well, as ordinary as it could get. The Ponds were in bed after a rather dangerous adventure of fighting and defeating an alien race called the Evilers, who made you relive the darkest moments of your life in order to weaken you.

The Doctor was making some adjustments to the TARDIS console when he saw a flash of light in the corner of his eye that made him stop and turn around.

In front of the TARDIS doors stood a familiar curly-haired woman wearing a black jacket, jeans and a Vortex Manipulator on her wrist. Slowly, the woman raised her head to look at The Doctor, with a smirk on her face.

"Hello, sweetie" she said, walking towards him with an air of confidence.

The Doctor just gaped at her in surprise, noticing that there was something very different about her.

"Careful, honey. Open your mouth any wider and you'll be catching flies" she laughed, taking off her jacket and flinging it on the chair next to the console.

The Doctor continued to stare at her for a few minutes before finding his voice again.

"River? What are you wearing?!" he stuttered, glancing at her wild mane of hair.

River placed a hand on top of her head where a black bowler hat balanced on her curls.

"It's called a hat, sweetie. It's a fashion accessory you wear on your head. I thought you of all people would know that" she chuckled, giving The Doctor a gentle shove on the shoulder.

The Doctor frowned at his wife, who was now doing his job of making adjustments to the console.

"I know it's a hat, River! I meant why are you wearing it?"

The Doctor reached a hand out and gently flicked the hat.

River swatted him away, a secret smile playing on her face.

"It's not a crime is it, honey?" she smirked, turning towards her husband and folding her arms against her chest.

The Doctor gasped at her, as if she said something incredibly rude.

"Yes it is!" he cried, waving his hands at her in an annoying way. "You killed my Stetson and most importantly of all, my Fez!"

The Doctor paused mid rant, a sad smile on his face before continuing. He really did love that Fez.

"And now you think it's OK for you to wear a hat when you won't let me wear one!"

River unfolded her arms and walked around the console, her fingers gliding on all the buttons and switches.

"I wear them because they look better on me than they ever did on you." River stopped to look at The Doctor, who was just stood staring at her, his face expressionless. River grinned and decided to wind him up a bit more. She did love to see him squirm.

"There's no need to be jealous, honey." she said, stepping a little bit closer towards her husband.

For The Doctor, that was the last straw. No one called him jealous and got away with it, not even his wife.

Also taking a step closer, The Doctor put his face close to River's untill they were almost nose to nose. He tucked a stray curl that was dangling near her face behind her ear and put his chin on her shoulder, almost as if he was going to hug her.

"Give me the hat, River" he whispered, smiling mischeviously.

River pulled away from him, almost as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"What? No!" she said, shaking her head as she walked backwards away from The Doctor, who started to follow her.

The Doctor smirked at the expression on River's face. It was a cross between fear and disbelief.

"I mean it, River. Give me the hat." River now had her back against the TARDIS wall and The Doctor had his hands on either side of her near her head to stop her getting away.

River smiled at The Doctor and stepped closer to him, glancing at first his mouth, then up to his eyes.

"Are you going to make me, sweetie?" she whispered seductively, running a hand through his hair.

The Doctor closed his eyes for a moment and leaned into her touch, before remembering what he was going to do. He put his mouth towards her ear and he felt her shiver with anticipation.

"Yes" he whispered, glancing at her and grinning. He placed his hands on her waist and her eyes immediately burned with fear as she knew what he was going to do.

"Doctor, don't you d-" River couldn't finish her sentence as she began spluttering with laughter. The Doctor was slowly spidering his fingers up and down her sides, which he knew would get the most instant reaction.

He smirked as he watched his wife squirm under his grasp. He increased the speed of his fingers, in which River let out a big un-River like squeal.

"River, unless you give me the hat, I won't stop tickling you. And judging by the way you're acting, I'm pretty sure you want me to stop." He paused to let River catch her breath. She was gasping and looked like she wanted to kill him.

"Do you want to surrender?" he said quietly, his hands still on his wife's waist.

River gasped a few more times before shaking her head stubbornly.

"Never" she said, before smiling cheekily and running away from The Doctor.

The Doctor looked shocked that she managed to get away but he grinned evilly and chased her around the console.

"Come back here, River!" he shouted, as she ran around the console, the hat nearly falling off her head.

"Not in a million years, sweetie!" she cried, as they both continued on their missions.

The Doctor had an idea. When River came near him, he went the opposite way so she came towards him. River gave an annoyed squeak of surprise before making to run again.

Just before she got away, he made a grab for her and succeeded. He put his hands around her waist so she would stay put, though it was a struggle as she was writing to escape.

"Gotcha" he grinned and he started to tickle her again, but even worse than before. The Doctor knew if he bided his time, she would give in eventually as she hated being tickled.

River began to squeal and laugh again, trying to stand on The Doctor's toes to get him to let her go. It didn't work.

"Doctor! Hahahahaha! Please stop! Hahahahahaha! I surrender! I can't take it!" River cried, still trying to escape.

The Doctor smiled at his wife and tried to speak over the loud laughter.

"The great and powerful River Song, Melody Pond, giving up already! Are you sure?"

River gasped and nodded her head furiously.

"Yes!" she squealed, trying but failing to swat The Doctor away.

The Doctor backed away from her hands that nearly hit him.

"And you'll give me the hat?" he said, still tickling her though not as rough as before. River sighed, looking defeated. She really didn't want to do this but she had no choice.

"Yes." she frowned, as The Doctor stopped torturing her, his hands still on her waist.

River catched her breath and when she did, she found the hat was no longer on her head, but on The Doctor's, who was smiling down at her.

"See, I do look good in hats, if I do say so myself" The Doctor grinned, putting a hand on his head

River didn't want to admit it, but it did look good on him. After finally catching her breath, she glanced up at him through her eyelashes.

"I hate you" she whispered, putting a hand on The Doctor's shoulder, rubbing her thumb in a circular motion.

The Doctor glanced down at her, his face inches from hers.

"No you don't" he whispered back, before putting his lips on hers, his arms sliding down her back.

They kissed for a while before they broke apart, gazing at eachother. Neither of them said a word for a while, they were too busy staring into each other's eyes.

The Doctor twirled a strand of River's hair around his finger and let it ping back into it's position before speaking.

"Well then" he said, starting to grin. "Hat's that!"

The Doctor ducked as River playfully hit him, before she embraced him in a hug.  
"Oh, sweetie. How I've missed you." she smiled, running her fingers through The Doctor's unruly hair.

The Doctor sighed and kissed her on top of her head.

"I've missed you too, River Song. So much" he said. He meant it. He really did miss having his wife around. Amy and Rory were his best friends and he loved them dearly but he always loved it when River popped into his life like a breath of fresh air. He knew it could all end soon so he liked to make the most of her while he could.

River sighed happily before holding out her arms to hug him again, which The Doctor gladly accepted.

"Hi honey, I'm home" she said with a smirk.

The Doctor laughed, pulling River even tighter to him.

"And what sort of time do you call this?"

I really hope everyone enjoyed my fanfic and I hope you leave a review :) x


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